Chapter 8: Who Are You Calling Tsunpure-san?!

A new morning. When I opened my eyes, my maid was already there.

“You’ve awoken?”

Kujou-san looked down upon me with her default gaze full of contempt.

“Though I would’ve been glad if you hadn’t. Ever.”

“WHY?!”

Tsukkomi’ing first thing in the morning. That was a first for me.

“Wait… Something up?”

“What might you mean by ‘Something up’?”

“Well… Do you want something?”

Thereupon, Kujou-san sighed. If you dubbed its meaning, it was surely meant to scorn with a ‘That’s why commoners are…’.

“I’ve said that I’m your personal maid. And one of my tasks is to aid you in the morning.”

Being told that so naturally—— I made me feel nervous.

When I wondered whether or not to say that, when actually being told, there was no way to even think about all the erotic things that ‘being aided by a maid in the morning’ could mean…

“You’re thinking about something licentious, aren’t you?”

“…! N-Not at all!”

“You thought about muscles, didn’t you?”

“NOT. AT. ALL!”

I got up and looked for my dresser out of habit—it was in its usual place.

Just unreal, no matter how I looked at it there was an actual maid standing in my room… It was a bit off-putting. It shook the pillars of my everyday life.

At that point, Kujou-san quietly stepped up.

She grabbed the hem of my t-shirt with both of her hands and swiftly pulled it up.

My reaction towards this all-too-natural action came delayed, but…

“…W-What are you doing?!”

“I am assisting you with your change of clothes.”

“…?! I-I’m fine!”

“That will not do. This is a task the maids of Seikain must carry out.” she said while continuing to pull the shirt up, “Even if you are a commoner, unpopular, and a perverted macho man lover on top of it, as the head maid of Seikain, I must carry out my duties properly. It is about professionalism about my occupation. It is a battle I wager my own pride in. Even if the other party is a pervert, who could merely rival rubbish, I must do it. For the sake of my pride. I will not surrender to——”

“LEMME FREAKIN’ GO—!”

I got changed on my own.

 

“This way.”

“…Why must we leave through the backdoor?”

“Did you forgot yesterday’s ruckus?”

Kujou-san signalled towards the entranceway with her eyes.

I could vaguely hear the increasingly cheerful voices of the ojou-samas who were descending from upstairs.

‘…A commoner…’, ‘…In this dorm…’, ‘…Oh my!’

‘…A man…’, ‘…for the first time…’, ‘…I’m so excited…’

“…………”

Obviously, they were getting quite lively.

“If you were to leave through there, it’d cause an uproar. Hence, consider choosing the backdoor for today.”

We proceeded to sneak through the corridor.

“Feels like I’m some kinda star, huh?”

“That’s right, isn’t it?”

“…Sorry.”

“Why would you apologize, Mr. Star? Today, you’ll take on the leading role in the schoolwide Explanatory Meeting, so from tomorrow onwards, things are likely to quiet down.”

“Me playing the lead part——”

“Sssh. Quiet…”

Something came out of the shared break room (Or rather, an extravagant common kitchen).

“One more corner and I’m there. From there on, it should be able to make my way out without meeting anyone just fine.”

And then, when that person turned around the corner——

“…………”

Aika unexpectedly ran into us.

She had run into us using another route just perfectly.

Not having expected to meet anyone, she looked terribly surprised,

“W-WHY’S THE COMMONER HERE?!”

‘…Did you hear something too?…’, ‘…Yeah…’, ‘…With the commoner…’

‘…It couldn’t be…’, …from inside…’

It started to get noisy from the entranceway. And it was steadily getting noisier.

“This way. Quickly.”

Kujou-san opened a door in haste.

 

“Now I get it.”

I understood now.

“So you’re always using the backdoor.”

“…………”

Aika fell into silence.

Being disliked was scary and loneliness was like being poked by the long needles of a porcupine.

“But even popular people like you take this way, right?”

Aika rebuked.

“So I’ve got what’s needed to become popular too, you know?”

She had some weird optimism to her.

Tenkuubashi Aika.

I’ve heard about her full name yesterday. Her family runs an air cargo business.

It’s strange that I keep calling her Aika-san. But Tenkuubashi’s somewhat hard to say…

“Look commoner’s morning faces always that sloven?”

Aika it is.

Aika’s personal maid quietly followed her along the secret wood path we were taking.

And likewise, Kujou-san followed behind me.

Every morning, the maids escorted the students that they were in charge of to the dining hall—— It seemed to be the custom.

A celebrity-like rule which already exceeded my guesses by far.

I felt a shiver down my spine from the peculiar presence that was following me and felt like turning my head.

“What’s wrong?”

“Well… I can’t seem to calm down.”

“Why?”

She said with a face of complete ignorance.

“Normally… I’m not escorted by a maid when I’m going to school.”

“…You’re not being escorted to school?”

“Yeah, no, besides that, it’s the same in general too. There are no maids to help out as a whole. For all of us.”

Aika—— widened her eyes in surprise.

She took a memo book (high class) out of her skirt pocket and got a pen from her maid.

Rather than receiving it, it was more of a perfectly natural ‘placed in her outstretched hand without asking’. I thought it was pretty neat to master it to a degree that it felt like a routinized thing.

And so, she made a serious face and an entry in her memo. When I took a peek, it had ‘Commoners don’t have maids’ written in it.

Wait, the characters look almost professional.

“Your handwriting’s really pretty, huh?”

“Eh—?”

She looked over her shoulder in surprise.

“W-What are you saying…”

“No, seriously.”

“W-Well? I’m in the top ten in the class in penmanship grades, you know?”

She struck her chest and puffed it out in pride.

“Eh, you’re doing penmanship?”

“You don’t?”

“As a class? Of course not. That’s only until elementary school.”

“No way! It’s a compulsory subject for ‘etiquette’ classes, you know?! It’s normal to take courses on pen and brush writing in middle school!”

Normal, huh? …I see, we’re worlds apart in various ways.

“Well, it is good nonetheless. Honestly, just look at it.”

“…”

After fidgeting around with her lips, Aika pushed her memo onto me with her cheeks blushing a little.

“Sh-Show me how your writing.”

“Me?”

“That’s right. Show me how commoners write.”

After holding the pen in my hand for a while… I wrote ‘Commoner Visiting!’.

“Uwa, this really sucks!!”

“…(#^ω^)”

“Give it back.”

While giggling, she added ‘Commoners are bad with characters’ underneath my ‘Commoner Visiting!’ in her clean writing.

“What the heck?”

“What?”

Aika put the memo pad away, still giggling.

“Commoners usually use cuneiform, so we’re not used to pens.”

“Huh? There’s no way that’s true……… is it?”

“No, I’m serious.”

“Eh?! So you’re still using clay tablets?!”

“You’re seriously buying it?”

I was shocked.

This person, she really believed everything right away. Rather than pure, she was just too pure…

“That’s the wrong way. Over here.”

“Ah, my bad, Tsunpure-san.”

“Who are you calling Tsunpure-san?!”

But still… every last corner of even the campus is refined, just by walking around here, I feel terribly out of place.

Quite frankly, it’s wearing me out. The ojou-samas and me have just a way too different… feel to us. Of the Ojou-sama’s, as well as this sense that everything is way too different from me… I’m really worried whether I’m really fit for all this.

“Hey.”

“What?”

“Since I’m telling you about commoners, how about you tell me about here?”

“Here?”

“Like, the lifestyle of the students around here… a general overview of it all, if you want.”

“The committee chairman Arisugawa Reiko can tell you all about it.”

“I’m fine with you, though.”

“…?!”

Aika suddenly turned bright red.

“What’s the matter?”

“S-Stop saying strange things!”

“Strange things?”

“Shutup!!”

Why would she get mad at me?

“…So? W-Why me instead of Arisugawa Reiko?”

“Because you’re not lady-like at all.”

That’s right.

“I mean, Arisugawa-san, she’s got that aura of elegance and this loveliness virtually bursting out of her, she seems out of this world, right? It makes me nervous. But then again, you’re far from—”

*SMACK*

“THAT HURT?!”

“YOU STUPID COMMONER! GET LOST!”

“N-No, I can see how it must’ve sounded right now, but it’s really easier to talk with you, so I’m begging you, there’s no one else I could ask.”

“…”

With her arms folded, she thought.

“…I-I understand.”

“Thank you.”

“In exchange, make sure you attend the ‘Commoner Club’, okay?!”

“I know.”

Having suddenly been transferred into this Seikain with no idea on how long I’d possibly be here, I’ve decided on my own special goal.

To try and make this person popular in her class.

Well, even if I didn’t get that far, if she’d manage to at least fit into it, that’d be fine.

The point is— if she can get a friend, I’d be at peace of mind.

She’s certainly stubborn about getting a good ‘grip’ on commoner culture, but at least she’s passionate about it, so we’ll probably manage somehow…

“I think you’re okay too!”

*Swoosh* Aika pointed at me.

“It’s fine for commoners to not pay attention to what others want, so it’s super easy-going, right?! Lowly masses, BANZAI!”

Totally not cute.

 

The dining hall came into sight.

Numerous young ladies were being escorted by their maids and entering the building, which looked like some top-notch hotel, while they were chatting away friendly. It looked like the start of some royal party.

“Kimito-sama!”

A well-projected voice echoed throughout the hall.

Arisugawa-san appeared from the crowd and raised her hand signalling ‘This way’. She had an outstandingly dazzling and beautiful presence even among the ojou-samas.

She closed up on me with many classmates following suit.

“Good morning, Kimito-sama.”

“Ah, yeah, morning.”

“I’ve been looking for you this whole time. How fortunate to finally meet you.”

When Arisugawa-san smiled, I seemed to experience an optical illusion with numerous stars exploding all across my vision.

“By all means, let us go eat breakfast together.”

“Aah, sure.”

And then Arisugawa-san’s gaze went behind me.

When I followed it—— Aika had stepped back by far. I hadn’t noticed at all.

Aika-san had casted down her eyes and erased her presence, having completely switched into stealth mode.

“Aika-sama.”

Arisugawa-san called out gently. And then, Aika moved her mouth as if being at her wits’ end, shut her eyes tight, and ran for it like before.

Her maid bowed and chased after her.

 

Translator notes and references

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